Angels

(The birth mother's name has been changed per her request)

If the world needs more angels, the first to be called would be birthparents. I have waited 38 years to be a mother. Without our child’s birth mom, Kristin, I would have never known what Mother’s Day felt like. She has given us the greatest blessing. When we look back at the entire journey, it is hard to believe we didn’t want to explore domestic adoption at first because the whole open adoption concept scared the pants off of us! Boy, were we wrong.

Before even trying to conceive, we both knew we wanted to adopt. I, Cathy, had volunteered at an orphanage in Honduras, and my husband, Diego, is from Argentina and had seen many children on the streets without a home. We both knew there were children who needed the security of a loving family. After two years of not being able to get pregnant, and several basic fertility tests later, we began the process to adopt from Colombia. International adoption was what we wanted for several reasons. We met in Honduras where I was teaching at an international school and Diego was working for communications firm. Because we are a bilingual family, it is important for us to raise our future children in a bilingual home. Colombia always interested us as Diego is from Argentina, and the South American culture is so diverse and unique. Also, we would be able to continue the customs and cultures of the child. We had thought about domestic adoption, but this whole “Open Adoption” thing scared us. What if the birth mother tried to take the child back? What if she wanted to visit us? What if she wouldn’t leave us alone? With all these questions, we knew international was for us, or was it? As of December 5th, 2007, we were officially accepted by Colombia for an infant 0-2 years of age. We are now settled in for our up to 30 month wait.

From the beginning of the process for Colombia, we began researching more about open adoption. As we began to read more, hear stories, and ask more questions, we began to change our pre-conceived opinions. While we were waiting for 30 months for Colombia, we thought, “Why not try domestic while we wait?” We decided to put in our profile for a domestic adoption. To our surprise, we were tracked down by our caseworker while we were on vacation in Mexico. Thank goodness she was very diligent in finding us, as she wanted to show our profile to a birth mother, who ended up being Kristin. Two days later, she notified us that Kristin had chosen us.
About a month later, I was having coffee with a friend (who is also in the process of adoption) when we got the call from our caseworker, “Kristin is in the hospital and five centimeters dilated!” Living 16 hours from the hospital (we are in Colorado, and Kristin is in Arizona), we knew we had to hurry to Arizona. It was very important for us to be there for the birth. Kristin wanted us to be in the delivery room and be a part of everything. We were still in shock, everything was happening so fast, but were so excited to begin our family. We had spoken with her several times, and each time, we were amazed at how willing she was to share with us anything we wanted to know. One surprising comment was when she said she was scared we would back out of the adoption. We felt the same, but worried that she would decide not go through with it. It was amazing how we were concerned about her and she about us!

We arrived at the hospital the next day around noon. Kristin was still in active labor and had remained five centimeters dilated. We thought about waiting for the social worker to arrive before we met with Kristin. We didn’t want to get too close to the situation quite yet. But, we were so excited to finally meet Kristin that we walked right into her room. She said she was just as nervous meeting us as we were meeting her. It was a little awkward at first, but she put us at ease soon after when she said to me, “Come and meet your baby, Mommy!” Of course I lost it and Diego had to comfort me. We continued to relax as she made us feel more comfortable. Anytime someone came into her room, she always introduced us as the adoptive parents and the Mommy and Daddy of the baby to be, Marek (she let us name him, too). It was remarkable to think that through everything she was enduring, she was concerned about us. During the next two days, we began to form a bond; one that both Diego and I were nervous about before, but it was flowing so naturally now between us. Kristin’s social worker and main support, remained by her side when we couldn’t be there. We know how much her support meant to Kristin, and also to us.

We will never forget the moment Marek was born. Kristin wanting to share that personal part of the journey with us was so noble. After being cleaned off, weighed, and measured, the doctors asked who wanted to hold Marek. Kristin gave us another gift when she answered, “Cathy, the Mommy.” Once again, I broke into tears and Diego was consoling me! As I held Marek, I took him to Kristin and she looked at me with tears and pain in her eyes and said,”Congratulations, Mommy.” I asked her if she wanted to hold him, but she said she wasn’t ready. Right then we knew she was the strongest person we have ever met. Diego and I put on his first diaper and gave him his first bottle while the social worker supported Kristin with many words and hugs. Eventually Kristin held him. And as tears rolled down Kristin’s face, she gently traced his face with her small fingers and told him she would always love him and, although this was the hardest thing she had ever done, she knew she was doing the right thing (yes, more tears and more consoling)! Kristin; what a miraculous woman!

Kristin is our angel. She gave us the most incredible gift. She wants us to live our life with our new son, Marek. We are sure she thinks about him and us every day, but she gives us our space. Every time we look at Marek, we think about this special person who made it all possible. We are calling her once a month now and sending photos frequently through Erica, Vanessa, and Commonwealth. Kristin will always play a part of Marek’s life. It is amazing how scared we were about open adoptions, but now, I wouldn’t have it any other way. As Marek grows, we will continue to let him know about the strongest and most caring angel in the world, his birth mom, Kristin. We will let him know how much she loves him and how big her heart is. When people ask me if we keep in touch with his birth mom, I am the proudest mother in the world to say, “Yes, of course.” I remember it seeming like forever while waiting to begin our family. But, now I know that Marek was in the works the entire time. He was being prepared especially for us. Now, the time we waited is a distant past. Our family has begun.

Six Hours

It finally happened! Marek slept six hours last night. We actually got some sleep. Now, I hope he keeps it up! He is growing so fast and smiling more and more every day. The babyBjorn is awesome. He loves it more and more. Next week he has his two month check up (athough his two month birthday is on May 24th). Can't wait.

Six Weeks and Still Growing

Marek was six weeks old on Monday. He gives us a few smiles every now and then, but not intentionally. We have to continually adjust his car seat as he grows. We feel so blessed to have him with us. Cathy is taking some classes two nights a week, so Diego is learning a lot while she is away!